October brings us....

Well, where to start....

Let's see.  I got my port out!  And that is awesome.  My port has hurt from the time it was put in.  Any time the kids would bump me I would feel like I was going to throw up.  So, I am happy to see it go.  And the surgery to remove it was CRAZY.  I was awake, which was awesome, really!  It was so cool to hear the doctor talk about what he was going to do and to be alert in the operating room.  And it was QUICK!  Less than an hour, in and out!  Very different from all my other surgeries.

Since my surgery my oncologist switched me to a new medication.  So bye, bye tamoxifen and hello anastrozole.  And of course this drug has it's own set of side effects.  Similar to the other, but my body has to adjust and I'll be honest I am not loving it.  And I am sure my family isn't either.

Mood swings

Hot flashes (courtesy of the meds and no ovaries)

Upset stomach

Headaches 

Joint, bone, and back pain 

Fatigue 

Bladder issues

Vaginal issues

Most likely osteoporosis at a very early age

I know it sounds like I am complaining, and I kind of am.  And I know I should be grateful that my cancer wasn't worse than what it was.  But today I back to being pissed.  Really, really pissed.

I don't want to have mood swings, hot flashes, nausea, headaches, or osteoporosis.  Oh, and the breast pain.  It is never ending.  CONSTANTLY!  I am pissed that I don't even know if what I have is a side effect of the medicine or just a normal pain.  I don't know if I am tired because I am a mom or because of my medicine.  

And on top of all this it's October.  PINK.  UGH!  Which is sad, it's my favorite color, but the thought of companies making money off of this disease makes me SICK.

Don't get me wrong there are companies that donate all their profits from "pink" sales to great foundations, but there are a few....

I saw some pillows at Sams and the disclaimer was that they will donate $50,000.  That's good I guess, but how much money do you really think they will make?

Eggs?  Yep, eggs. with pink ribbons on them.  $100,000 will be donated regardless of sales.  Well, that's all fine and great, but I checked the company's sales.  In 12 weeks they made 210 million dollars!  Are you freaking kidding me?  And all you can donate is $100,000.  Give me a fucking break!

So, in case you were wondering today is not a great day and I probably shouldn't have written a blog post, but this is the reality of this.  It's ugly.  And not just for me.

But I am grateful.  I really am.  I am grateful that I didn't die.  I am grateful that my cancer hadn't spread.  I am grateful that I have a wonderful surgeon and a very, very informed oncologist, especially, in this shithole state that we live in.  Because let's face it New Mexico isn't known for being at the top in any areas.  I am grateful that my family has stuck by me through all of this when it wasn't easy for them and when I was the one who was making it hard.

I am grateful.  But I am still pissed.