I Can, I Will, Watch Me...

The title of this blog came from a journal that a friend gave me right after I was diagnosed.  At that time, "I can, I will, watch me" was about watching me beat cancer, because in my ignorance I thought that's what this was about.

Beating IT.  Not letting IT win.  Fighting IT.  

Because that's what we do when we are scared, right?  Fight or flight?  So, I automatically moved into fight.  I was going to fight.  I mean after all I want to live so I need to fight this thing, right?

Wrong.  We don't fight cancer, we don't beat it.  We live through it, or we don't.  But it's not about fighting or winning.  It's about living or trying to.

People who have died from cancer weren't weak.  People who decided to discontinue treatment aren't giving up.

As I have moved through my diagnoses, surgeries, treatments, doctor's appointments, tests, and mental health, this hasn't been about watching me beat cancer.  

It's been about this:

I can be honest about this.

I will be honest about this.

Watch me be honest and raw about this.  

The other thing;

I am not any braver than any of you.
I am not stronger than any of you.
I am not a warrior.
I am not a fighter.

I am living.

This is my journey.  This is the path that my life is on.  All I am doing is living it.  Just like you.  And sometimes this journey really, really sucks.  And sometimes it doesn't.  Just like yours.  But somehow, some way we get though it, right?!!  Usually with a lot of support from friends and family, so thank you!


It's not really about me, it's about us and our life journey.  So...

We can!
We will!
Watch US!