Chemo - Round 1

Well, I am not gonna lie, Monday was rough.  More emotionally than physically.  Each time something new has come a long I have had a hard time adjusting.  First the diagnosis, then all the tests, and now CHEMO.  Just saying it.  Just typing it.  Isn't this something that happens to someone else?  CHEMO.  It's so strange.  All of it.  

I wanted to be a little early, because I am me, and that's what I do.  But we were late, and that was okay.  Because once we got there I didn't want to get out of the car.  It was like I was admitting defeat.  That I was giving in.  And I was questioning myself and the decision we had made.  I have read the research, I know that chemo has to happen.  

Once I finally made it in the office I really tried to stall as long as I could, and that is very unlike me.  I just want to get shit done, but for some reason this is not something I wanted to start.  I guess I am still mad about it not being on my terms.  I am a control freak.  That's for sure!

So, anyway, one we got there, I had to check in and then make my way upstairs to the "chemo suite."  Really?  The "chemo suite?"  WTF?!  Anyway, we got up there and I just pretty much shut down.  Couldn't talk.  Just cried.  Good thing Josh was with me.  I had to make a decision on where to sit.  I can't pick out toothpaste!!!  

It was all pretty simple.  Some blood work.  Some waiting.  Some drugs.  Some lunch.  More drugs.  More waiting.  More drugs.  A little nap.  And an amazing nurse who kept checking on me and making me feel wonderful.  We got there at 8:15 and left at 5:00.  It was a long, long day.   

Again, another situation that I had played out in my mind and went nothing like I thought.  I get three drugs.  I just assumed that they would be mixed together, I'd get them and go.  That's not really how it works.  You would think that by now I would have realized that none of this works the way I think it should.   

But through it all I had text messages and emails coming in non stop and a book of email messages from so many people!  It was an amazing show of support and love.  And I am so thankful for everyone who is supporting me.  And as we left we were greeted by this beautiful little girl who got dressed up to come see her mama get her chemo.  

My little mini me has my stress level so she needed to see where I was and what was going on.  She's my girl.  

Here we are with my chemo blanket she made me.

My morning motivation:

My frist dose of drugs:

Cheesecake at chemo?  This is my kind of place!

 My afternoon motivation:

Notice the matching headscarves?  The nurse suggested I get one for Atleigh and myself.  😊  We had the "hair" talk.  It went better than I thought.