I Am One of "Those People"

I am one of those people.  I am someone who is at higher risk for contracting coronavirus and developing complications from it.  

The medicine that was used to save my life and kill my cancer has also put me at higher risk for contracting illnesses, like the flu and coronavirus.  My white blood cell count is still well below the normal range and this presents a problem for me in a time like this.

I am not going to lie when all of this started I thought it was just another media scare tactic.  I mean let's be honest they tend to do that.  SARS, H1N1, the flu.  All of these illnesses have been serious there is not doubt about that. And this is serious too, for many of us.  

I just got a good mammogram report back.  I was starting to think, "Hey, I can maybe feel normal again.  Maybe I don't need to be so scared all the time."  And then BAM!  Right in my face.  Nope!  

Josh and I have had MANY arguments about this.  I was not about to let fear dictate what I did or didn't do.  I was starting to feel like I was getting my life back.  He has had to repeatedly remind me that until I have a stable immune system I don't get to do whatever I want to do.  

I am pissed.  I am mad that things feel so out of control.  That schools are closed.  That stores are picked over.  That my kids can't play with their friends.  That we can't go out to eat.  I don't like this.  It took me a few days to identify why I don't like it.  You know why?  It reminds me of chemo!  And that pisses me off.  

I know there are many of you who think this is all being blow out of proportion, and for you it might be.  At first I kind of thought it was too.  And part of me still thinks it might be overkill.  But for someone like me, someone who is immune compromised, things like staying home, canceling school, and extra cleaning, can be life saving.  These are things that I have to take into consideration during flu season or when there is an outbreak of strep at my kid's school.  For most of you coronavirus is no different than the flu.  But for me it is all very dangerous.    

So, I know all of this is frustrating and inconvenient for so many.  When you are mad or annoyed think of me, my kids, and my family and know how grateful we are that you are taking precautions to protect me.  

My First Chemo Buddy Died

My first chemo buddy died last week.  This has probably been the saddest news I have heard since I was diagnosed.  She was a caring, kind hearted, bright woman who was always smiling, always willing to talk to the newbies, to help out, to show us the way, to offer support.  And she died.  She died of a disease that we are told is one of the most treatable cancers.  

She was three months older than me.  She had 4 kids. She had a husband.  She had a life before and after cancer.  She had friends.  She had family.  And now she is gone. And it's sad.  It's so, so sad.  

I am sad for me and I am sad for her family.  This news was hard and hit deep and I am still trying to wrap my head around it.  

She was a special person who knew she was going to die.  She talked about it.  She talked about not seeing her boys graduate.  About not being around.  But it doesn't make this any easier.  

She was a kind sole with so much to offer the world. And now she is gone.